I hate 'now'

To be honest, I'm in a state of hating myself right now.

I don't know. I think I'm starting to need an uncivilized world where we don't have to worry about school, job, money mostly. Then we live in a place full of tree, wild animals, and river. We hunt for food. We die for food also, lol.

Though It got me thinking, How do I live without electric company in a place like that? Precisely, how do I live without my laptop?

But, that's not the point. The point is, my life is quite kinda miserable. My date ditch me, and right now I'm bitching out.

Yeah, I pray a lil bit. Just a lil bit, but still no works done until now. My emotions control the chemistry inside my head and it's messy as if a bullet blow out my brain and I can't work. And I hate myself for that.

I am just that pathetic. Thinking about pathetic guy. In my pathetic life.

I mean, COME ON. Why can't I get over it?

Or is it maybe a curse of being a girl?

I just can't believe myself stuck like this. I totally have thousand--okay, this sound may so overeated, but yeah, I totally have so many friends in Planet Mars who are lot better than him. I actually have couple friends that I've been considered as my future 'special'. They got the whole package: brain, money, cute and very very very kind person (though I'm not sure whether they're 'kind' or not as a guy).

BUT WHY ON THE WORLD I CAN'T GET HIM OUTTA MY MIND?

He's way too far from my imaginary husband of the future. He's not that cute. He's not a foreigner. He doesn't have a blue eyes, blond hair. He's not tall. He's not that kind as a guy (but totally he's kind as a person). He's not my guy of my dream. But, God knows why I love him so much. And I actually don't wanna admit it at a time like this. No, I won't. He hurt me in every way. And now He totally ignoring me.

I hate him.

Darn, God WHY? WHY HIM?