Am Tired to be hurt


How long I’ve waited for an exciting desire in my heart.
For the one that I will think about all the time.
For the one that I will give everything to.

I was empty at that time.
The feeling of longing someone out there.

But, when I found that someone,
I know I will be crushed into pieces.
Crying all my feeling,
In happy moments or in sad moments

There’s a saying,
‘It’s better to get rejected than not speak your feeling to the one you love’,
But I said otherwise,
It’s better to not speak your feeling than get rejected.

I have told everything that was kept in my heart to him,
I did everything I could to get his love,
But then I turn as a wounded animal.

I wish I didn't say all of that,
At least my wound wouldn't be this hurt.

I’m tired to get hurt, blistered, and everything.

I just want to be happy.

Have a peace in my mind and soul.

(Picture taken from HERE.)

My World after....

I feel like my world is tumbling down. My love has gone, and that and this, so many things that I can’t explain in here. I feel like my life is a big failure. Even my escapee from reality, which is love, is not there to comfort me, to console me. I know I still have people to care about me, but still, I can’t find my peace. The only thing I want is only him. Not anything else.

It’s all my fault.

It always be.

I know I was wrong, but I thought I could control everything coz’ everything was so easy for me, but not until now. It seems that everything I do is failing. All the time. My mom got enough of me. She thought me as a contageous virus. But I don’t blame her. It’s all my fault. And I don’t know what to do anymore.

They said I can count on God. I know they’re right, but sometimes it’s not enough for me. Well, I’m just human. We do sometimes don’t believe what we don’t see.

I am broken. Maybe it’s about time for me to rot in hell.

To not happy in my entire life.

But I don’t want people call me as a looser. I’m brave in heart. I have so many great talents.  But, I don’t use it well. I have abused God’s gift to me. So many many many His gift to me, but I throw it all, as if I’m a pig with pearls necklace. Totally useless. And I’m so ashamed. I don’t love myself anymore. I feel not precious. I’m desperate.

Please, God. If You do really care of me. If You do really want to help me. Send me one of Your divine angels. Tell Your angels to be by my side, whispering all those spirits, words, and all the bravery I need to my ears, so I can stand tough through all these shits. So I can be happy in my life. So I can know where I will go.

I’m sorry, God. I can’t stand all these burdens.
I’m sorry if I keep complaining.

(Picture take from HERE.)